Protection

Wow, ok, so after a ridiculous gap, I'm determined to be back at blogging! I blame (in part) Facebook...it is way to easy to pop off little one sentence blurbs, which don't come close to capturing life but take so much less time and seem to at least give a basic thought or update...I'm determined to get back to a bit more depth of thought given to what is going on in and around me!
So, back at it!
So, we had a few "exciting" moments this afternoon. First of all, Isaiah was playing in the kitchen while I was getting some things ready. It is exciting that he is able to entertain himself a bit and enjoys exploring...but it is also a bit nervewracking! He definitely has figured out a way to get around and get himself into some mischief. The other day, he found a cereal box in the recycling pile and emptied out the remaining pieces and ate them off the floor. Today, he pressed the button on Roomba (our robot vaccuum thing), and it turned on and started going right in front of his face and fingers, and he got freaked out! I was afraid he got his fingers pinched, but he was fine, other than a bit scared.
Later, when we went to get the mail, I was carrying him back up the stairs to our apartment and (VERY foolishly) being silly and playful with him. I was sort of quickly and bouncily going up the stairs and watching him more than the steps, and I tripped! I fell and smashed into the steps, and he started to cry, and I think my heart absolutely stopped! I felt panic and fear. I was so afraid he had just gotten badly hurt. Somehow, he didn't get a scrape or bruise or anything. Again, I think it just scared him. I was so wrapped up in whether he was ok or not and badly shaken by him almost getting very hurt that I didn't even notice until about 15 minutes later that my hand was smashed open in several places, and my other arm was all scraped up.
So, tonight, I'm feeling a bit banged up but mostly just reeling a little from the experience. All I could do and think for most of the evening was to thank God for protecting my little boy! It just felt like it sunk in to me how quickly something can happen and how I am not really capable of protecting him. I am so thankful that Isaiah is in God's hands because they are far more capable than mine, but I have to admit that having his protection not completely within my control (though obviously, this particular incident could have been vastly improved by me being more safety-conscious and less clumsy!) is rather unnerving!
I never want to be one of those moms who is filled with fear and hovering over my child's every move and keeping him from exploring and experiencing life, even with all of its risks, but I have to admit that there is a part of me that totally feels a pull to try to shield him from all harm. I don't want a Bubble Boy, but a big padded suit has at least crossed my mind several times today! :)
My little guy is sleeping peacefully now, and I am sitting here on the couch with an aching hand but mostly rattled emotions that I am trying to release. I just pray for nothing to be able to stop God's plans and purposes for little Isaiah's life. I pray against any attacks of the enemy! But I also pray that I will have the grace to not get in the way of all the adventures God will take my little guy on in life, as I realize (again) tonight that I am called to nurture him and protect him at some level, but ultimately, he belongs to God and is in HIS hands!
I think I will bake some Pillsbury Cinnabon rolls as an aid in soothing my nerves and try rest in God's peace! :)