There have been floods and floods of articles and posts about the new year--about how or if to make resolutions or choose a word or which resolutions or goals you should make or how to stick with them, and on and on and on.
I, for one, have rarely been so eager for a fresh new year. I have no sagely advice and feel largely inadequate to fully reflect this past year for myself. I can't even think of a word that feels like it fits to describe it. Between the earthquake in April and now the shortages due to the political situation here in Nepal, it's been a lot to process and rather overwhelming. Unfortunately, we are still in the peak of the crisis from the blockade and political standoff. So, the roll-over of the calendar doesn't automatically hit the rest button for life, but thankfully, it has been an opportunity for me to at least take a few moments of quiet to sit with it all.
I have found it difficult to reflect on the past year with much clarity in many areas. So much of it feels like a blur...and one that is still swirling. I know there are incredible things that I have learned and beautiful moments and heaps of grace in the midst of the hard. I just feel a bit inadequate to put words to much of it still.
One thing that I have felt as I've sat, looking back at the year, is a fresh grief. There has been much grieving, and our personal difficulties have been so much less than so many around us, which is a different kind of grieving. But, this wasn't directly about the events themselves but the loss of moments. In the overwhelming demand of the immediate and basics of the days here, moments were lost in the blur. Rhythms went out the window. Goals and dreams and vision were stunted and often set aside in the mix. I can't even fully describe this fresh sense of loss as I realize that there are things that I missed--that I don't even really know what they are--as the needs of life in these recent seasons took over thought and energy and time.
As we move into a new year, I am a mixer of goals and resolutions and choosing a word (well, let's be honest, I am incapable of only choosing ONE word at any time in life!). My prayers for myself are for continued and fresh grace and that God will help me to grow in being PRESENT even if I am weary or the world is swirling around me. I pray that He will help me to be FAITHFUL in the SMALL, in the daily, in the mundane even; may I release my need to be "great" or do "great" things and instead be focused on being small, on choosing JOY, on LOVING well, on truly learning to LISTEN (an area in which I have realized I have a great deal of growing to do!).
So, those are my "words" for this new year: